He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
