You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
