Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
