I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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