In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
