the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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