Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
