Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
