my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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