I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
