You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
