my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
