If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
