We're like a lot better than the average bears
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
