you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
