How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Randomize
