Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
