Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
