I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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