Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
