Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
this boner is exhausting
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
