FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
