hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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