I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
