I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
