The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
