apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Farmville is her only friend.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He better not be in your backpack
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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