and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
