apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We talked him into tasing himself.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
