Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
