i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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