I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
