i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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