If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
