I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
