Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
