I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
