i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
