He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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