well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
