last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
