Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
