her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
