it was like his penis was on wheels.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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