I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
