"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
