I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
