my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
