I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
