If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We got so high we made milksteak
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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